WalkWithFxafa-Is It My Fault?

...

🥂 to those of you who have perfect marriages!( 🙄yeah yeah. I know they exist and that shear knowledge makes me really envious). To those of us in the battle field😅, all I can say is; "more grease to our elbows mehn!"

A quick story. 

My husband came home a little earlier than usual. I was excited because I love his company. His coming got me pumped with excitement. I was on my feet, trying to set his dinner and make the home as comfortable for him as possible. One thing led to another and we were arguing. Then he storms out of the house while talking to "a friend" on the phone and explaining to him how "this woman" has started nagging him out "again" and he's on his way for them to hang out and I could hear the other person giving him what seemed to be words of comfort while urging him to hasten up.

I on the other, became so frustrated. What I had hoped was going to be a marvelous evening has turned out to be a bitter one and all I could do was blame my self. I was so sure it was my fault that my husband left. I began chastising my self on how I should have done things differently. And from then on, added to the occurrence of many other similar  situations, I began a very determined journey in to loosing my self. I believed that if I let my self go and emerse my entire being in to him, we would have little to no disagreements and everything will be fine and I'd be happy in my "happily ever after." 

I had no single idea that his decisions had absolutely nothing to do with me! Infact, I came to realize that he just simply uses me as a means to an end in those moments. 

It's like this; he wants to go out late at night. He knows it is not appropriate for a person in his place to do so. He's aware that there's no reason good enough to present to me. So what he does is that he creates the situation where I'd take the blame😅. He pushes me to my extreme and when I react, he gets his perfect opportunity! I've proven that over and over again.

Then I came to this understanding;

 -IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR PARTNER BEHAVES THE WAY THAT HE/SHE DOES!

-YOUR PARTNER'S DECISIONS ARE A PRODUCT OF THEIR INDIVIDUAL CHOICES. IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

- YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION MADE BY HIM/HER. STOP CARRYING THE PRESSURE!

- IT IS NOT YOUR DUTY TO CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PARTNER, YOU DID NOT CREATE HIM/HER!

-IT IS HOWEVER YOUR DUTY TO GIVE ADVISES! And that is about the best that you can do.

Most times, the society forces people especially women in monogamous relationships to loose themselves as a way solving marital or relationship misunderstandings. I've heard many stories where partners even cheat and force the other partners to bare the blame with words like; "he/she pushed him/her to it", "you don't have to argue with him/her, just let him/her have it their way" even when you know they are wrong. I've even heard things like "two wise people can not be in a relationship. One person has to be the stupid one or at least, behave stupid!" What a falasy where relationships best works with two wise people who are intentional about making it work! These among many others.

 Any thing done by a person is completely a product of choice. Even God did not force salvation down our throats! He placed it before us and URGED us to CHOOSE!(Deuteronomy 30:19) 

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR THE CHOICES OF OTHERS! We'll all bare our consequences sooner or later. Give your self the love that you deserve. Live life in the best way you know possible. Always fulfill your part in any bargain. That's all the responsibility you owe. 

Walk me through your own experiences in the comment section and let's learn from each other!😊

❤️

Fxafa.