WalkWithFxafa-An Apology Is Never Enough!
So you've been offended; maybe cheated on, lied to, lied against, betrayed, stolen from etc and the person in the wrong has decided to apologise whether or not the apology is sincere and actually came to tender it. Let's honestly tell the truth:
- Is that enough to heal you of the hurt they caused?
- Do you automatically continue the relationship like nothing happened?
This is how it works for me. An apology is actually a starting point. Once you apologize (sincerely!😁, Because I have an inner testing device for sincerity😅), I take it that you feel bad about offending me and makes me feel a bit better. But that does not mean I'm completely whole about the pain I feel. Other things that makes me heal even better are that you allow me express my pain and how your actions affected me and that includes rants o!😅 Plus answering all my questions. For example, if you cheat on me in a monogamous romantic relationship and I find out and you apologize, I'd expect you to tell me why you did it, with whom, where you did it, how you did it and many other things involving it no matter how stupid you may think that is. I'd expect you to let me rant, shout and generally bare my heart out about it and above all, to deal with the consequences such as doubts, revisiting it every now and then for sometime until I completely heal. And doing all these does not mean I haven't forgiven you. I honestly have.
My point is, people have different ways of dealing with different offenses done to them.
So what if you apologized?
Some people actually feel offended about the way people react to their apologies! People go on to say things like; "ah ah, I said sorry now!" Even blaming people for feeling hurt about hurting them! That's despicable!
I believe that your ability to go through this phase with the person you offended, whose relationship you want to keep is what defines a real apology.
I believe that an apology is not some set of random insincere words or sentences made to help you avoid accountability and responsibility for your actions. If you are not ready to deal with the reaction from the person you offended, you are not sorry and should not apologize. Even scripture did not stop at "confession"of sins only, it went on to "forsaking." That is to say that repentance should not be an expression of some measly words alone but should also be accompanied by actions of assurances of discontinuance of the act of offense complained about. (Proverbs 28:13)
So the next time you are faced with a situation requiring you to apologise, just know that it's not just to say a "common sorry." Be ready to also be available to do everything to help the person you offended heal from the hurt or pain your actions or words inflicted on them.
Please share your views with me in the comment section and I'll be there to learn.
You can also subscribe to walk with me through all the lessions life is bringing to me on a daily.
❤️
Fxafa
Whilst I cannot agree less with you on this article, I feel some clergymen particularly from the pentecostal subset of the Christian faith holds and teaches otherwise in terms of the healing process as expressed in this article. Theirs it is that once an apology has been made the offended should be instantly and completely healed of the wounds inflicted on him/her by the offender. This line of thought has in my view been unhelpful.
ReplyDeleteTrue and not just clergies. I noticed it has been a line of believe. And it may interest you to know that I didn't just create this as a philosophy but I got it from a place of understanding thesame scripture! 😂
DeleteHow ironical Right?!
After studying, I realized that the Bible did not say confess and go, it went on to tell us to forsake which in my opinion means taking positive actions of restoration and reassurance! The process of forsaking is what helps the offended person to heal. Unfortunately however, that's not the case these days. People apologize as an easy way to avoid liability.
And even more interestingly, it was my pastor's sermon that drew my attention to this understanding. According to him, true forgiveness is not forgetting what was done but handing the pain you feel over to God.
Thank you for your response. I hope to have more of you here
Very interesting subject! I agree with everything that is said. When someone has wronged you, it is true when hearing them say "I am sorry" "I apologize" following their reasons why they wrong you; can never be enough with the pain or hurt you have encountered. Yes, you hear them, yes you receive it, yes you forgive. However, like you mention its a process to the next step which is called "healing". People, the church or family fail to understand that we are still human, and we are still in flesh (even though we are saved lol). They have so many high regards for us on how to behave and accept things because we are christians. Its so easy for them to say, forgive and move on, forgive and forget like Jesus did. That is not easy to do of our own.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I will stress on the part I forgive, but God heals and helps you eventually get to the place where it won't even matter anymore or what was done, wont matter. That is what people must understand. In fact, the healing will get you to a place where you will look back and smile at that situation, and say see what the Lord has done! Allow ourselves to receive the apology, and you must try to now move forward in healing. I also agree with you in regards to ranting and bringing up what was done, and questioning - YES, its all part of the healing process. This actually helps you heal faster because in those moments of all your questions being answerd in regards to why this was done to you. It helps you understand things differently, even understand the same situation that hurt you.
I pray that people and especially the church can get to a place where we understand this. Much blessings and love to you and this platform!